Psalm 33

It has been a tough weekend for me. In the process of trying to nail down exactly when we can expect to go pick Tabitha up I have read many more stories that had six month waits between trips than the three months we have been praying for. In my discouragement I remember Mr. Jim, our agent at Small World, telling Barry and I not to put all of our trust in everyone else's story because their story is not our story...for better or worse....our story is our story. That shook me back into reality and reminded me where MY hope belongs. I was drawn to Psalm 33 early Saturday morning, many of your will understand the significance of that before I tell you what I found, the rest of you will have to keep reading!

Psalm 33

1. Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise Him, 2. Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to Him on the ten string lyre. 3. Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. 4. For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does. 5. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love. 6. By the word of the Lord were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of His mouth. 7. He gathers the waters of the sea into jars; He puts the deep into storehouses. 8. Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere Him. 9. For He spoke, and it came to be; He commanded, and it stood firm. 10. The Lord foils the plans of the nations; He thwarts the purposes of the peoples. 11. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. 12. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for his inheritance. 13. From heaven the Lord look down and sees all mankind; 14. from his dwelling place He watches all who live on earth -  15. He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. 16. No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. 17. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. 18. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love, 19. to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.  20. We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. 21. In Him our hearts rejoice; for we trust in His holy name. 22. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.

All of this reminded me that....

• I have to praise Him continually,
• He IS faithful and there is proof of it everywhere,
• He spoke all of this into action and He commands me to stand firm,
• The nation of Tabitha's birth is not in control of her present or her future, He is,
• He sees her at all times, even when I can't, and
• It is time for me to put all of my hope and trust in Him and let His unfailing love rest on me while I wait on Him.

I have also been reminded that the three years we were "supposed" to wait on her referral He shortened to two months, the three weeks we were "supposed" to wait for her referral to be translated He shortened to one and the two months we were "supposed" to wait to make our first trip He shortened to three weeks (we were not "supposed" to meet her till mid May). In the unlikeliness that her file would still be available from December to February, He kept her for us. He has Tabitha in His hands and us in His arms. Please hold me accountable to keep my faith in Him only, not myself  and not in the stories of other families. Please join us in praying that the current Minister of Justice works diligently between now and the May 13th elections for the orphans trying to get home; that the elections do not slow down the process of the court system; and that the elected Minister of Justice has a heart for orphans and also works diligently on their behalf. Thank you all for your love and support in this process, I'm quite certain we wouldn't make it through without your encouragement.

Missing My Girl

It's been three weeks since we have seen and held Tabitha....a very long three weeks. I feel her absence every minute of the day. I look at her pictures over and over to memorize every inch of her and I watch her videos to remember the sound of her laugh. When Eli and LJ watch her videos they cry because they want to start being big brothers to her so badly. It is very hard to live between wanting to enjoy every minute of being with Eli and LJ but also wanting so badly to fast forward to the day we bring Tabbi home.

We received an update this week that she is happy, doing well and enjoying the warmer weather and playing outside. We can't wait to take her to the park, walk around the block and push her on the swings. There are so many things to show her and teach her here.

Her I 800 immigration approval was granted on April 16 and while we are so happy to be one step closer, we are discouraged that each step we take doesn't necessarily mean we are moving things along. I continue to follow the stories of other families that have adopted from Bulgaria and there are no definite time lines that we can follow. The time between  I 800 and the Article 5 could be 1 week or 4, the time between Article 5 and court could be 3 weeks or 7 and the time between court and picking her up could be 3 weeks or 8. So we still have no idea when she could be home, maybe the end of June, maybe the middle of August. I'm a little discouraged today but then I remember that according to the "usual time frame" our referral should have taken three weeks and it took one, we should have had to wait two months to travel and we waited three weeks...we weren't supposed to leave for our first trip till the middle of May. Please join us in praying that God continues to shorten every step of Tabitha's journey home. She has so much love to come home to and we all feel like we are living on pause while we wait.

I know...

I know a lot more today than I did a week ago.

I know now that Tabbi is in a "good" orphanage and it is still a terrible place for children to grow up. There are too many children with too few workers. There are too many needs and not enough funds. There are babies that don't cry because they know it won't matter, there are toddlers that don't toddle because the workers don't have time to teach them and there are pre-school age children that ask every visitor if you are their momma.

I know there are people, like Maggie and the orphanage nurses and teachers, that passionately love these children and want desperately for them to find homes. They give as much of themselves as they can...and some give even more. They work tirelessly for a first step or a first word and rejoice when the parents finally come.

I know this world is much smaller than I thought. We are all the same, we long to be loved and to give our children better than we had. We want to see a world filled with justice and peace. I also know now the effects dictators and controlling political parties can have on the people of a nation and those effects can last for generations after the dictator or party are gone. I know there is passion and desire in all of us to live and there is a need in all of us for God.

I know, at the end of this terribly long and painfully short week, who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of angel armies is always by my side. I know who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine, the God of angel armies is always by my side. He loves Tabbi more than I ever will and He feels the same about every face I've seen this week...inside and outside the orphanage. I have seen Him everywhere I've looked this week, I have felt His presence in every step and I know He will bring me back for my daughter. I pray He will bring some of you for some of the faces I've seen this week too.

I know that Barry, Tabbi, Eli, LJ and I are loved by so many people and I am incredibly humbled by it. Thank you all for walking this journey with us through your gifts, your prayers and your love, it means more to us than we will ever be able to express. I know we have a long road ahead of us but Barry and I are thrilled and encouraged by the progress Tabbi has made this week. I thank you all for your commitment to seeing us through because we will not be able to do it alone. Thank you all again, from the bottom of our hearts.

"That was a good visit!"

Maggie gets tickled because every time we leave the orphanage Barry says "That was a good visit!", but he's always right. We see Tabbi two separate times everyday, once in the morning and again after lunch and she doesn't just learn and change every day, but every visit. Every visit she is a little more comfortable, a little more adventurous, smiles a little more, laughs a little more and learns something new. Yesterday we had to get Tabbi's picture made for her VISA and since people in Sofia walk everywhere we were able to take her for a walk. When we got back to the orphanage Barry played all the music on his phone for her and she loved it! She danced, she "sang" and she was so calm about everything while the music played. We are thrilled to know that she is a huge fan of Third Day and the David Crowder Band!

Her lunch was a little late today and after such a big morning she was very tired, it was a precious gift to rock our baby for the first time and have her almost fall asleep in our arms. When they brought her lunch we kept her music playing and she was like a different child. She took her time, enjoyed her food and even smiled at us between bites. When she would reach for the phone while she was eating Barry would say "no no" or "wait" and she was obedient. She is learning so much with every new experience...and so are we. We have learned that music soothes her soul and we will have music playing every minute of our next trip!

After lunch they let us watch her take a "shower" so we would know what to do. She loved it and bath time is going to be so much fun! She's also going to fit right in with the Fullington crew because she loved the water.

When we returned after lunch she sat with me and we looked at some of the books we brought along. We have one with pictures from home, one that sings music and one that makes farm animal sounds. She has always liked to use our finger to push the buttons and make the sounds work but today she got her little fingers working and was able to turn the board pages. We started with the pictures from home, she held my finger and poined to the people in the picture for me to say there name. We went all the way through and said everyone's name but she really thought "Kate Kate beau beau, Kate Kate beau beau, Kate Kate beau beau" had a really nice ring to it! Next we moved onto the farm animal book. She held my finger and we went through and named every thing in the book then we started over. Finally she put my finger on the pig and I pointed to the buttons and asked her which one was the pig and she put my finger right on the pig button. A smart girl indeed! We matched the pig, the rooster, the cow and the lamb. She wasn't as interested in matching the duck but those don't last long around our house anyway so it's fine.

After books she went back to music. Then Barry showed her how she could see herself on the phone and she was delighted....so, of course like any good daddy would, he showed her how she could see herself on the tablet...bigger is always better! While they played with the tablet he taught her to wave at herself and, playing the video back, we are pretty sure she said "hi" which is the first word she's said that we could understand!

So, as you can see, it was a big day! Now we face the biggest and hardest day of all, our last. I start to cry every time I think about leaving her, having to hug and hold her enough today to last us three or four months, and worrying that she will think we have abandoned her too. We are so excited to come home and see our boys and all of you but we will be leaving a part of our family and ourselves behind in Bulgaria. Please pray that we can enjoy today with her rather than crying all the way through it and please pray that Tabbi retains all the progress she's made this week and that the still small voice of Jesus will give her a peace and reassurance that we WILL be back....as soon as they let us come! 

A Feeding Frenzy!!

Today was another new adventure for Barry and I. Tabbi seemed to be a little tired from our big week, she is getting a lot more attention and using a lot more energy this week than usual. She still laughed and giggled, loved to be tickled and listen very intently to her Jesus book, she just wasn't quite as full of energy. However, we did not let that stop us from making it very eventful. The orphanage workers decided today that she is comfortable enough with us (and they trust we will be back to get her) so they let us feed her lunch and her snack. I have never seen so much food served to such a little person, Barry said he's not sure LJ even eats that much! Tabbi never fusses or acts like she is hungry....until she sees food being served that is, then the hysterics begin. I'm sure it was quite the show...Barry and I were trying to follow all the instructions Maggie was translating for us from the worker that was speaking very quickly while Tabbi screeched because we were not moving fast enough. Because she is our daughter, whom we love, we did not want her to choke to death at our first feeding so we were trying to make sure each bite went down before we put the next bite in. This approach did not please the girl so the worker came back to show us how it was "supposed" to be done. She instructed us to just hold the bowl under Tabbi's chin and shovel the food in as fast as we could. Maggie said "Sheesh, this is not very lady-like, little one" and I have to say it was not! Fortunately, once her belly felt a little more full she was happy to slow down, let us play airplane with her spoon and tease her a little and that got a few smiles for us. I regret to tell you we have no photos of the experience, mainly because it took all four of our hands to feed her and mop up the mess, but also because we doubt very much that in a few years she will want any of you to have seen that! I am also sad to say we will have to decline any dinner invitations for awhile after getting home until we can brush up on our table manners a little...lol.

 

It's been a little rainy and cool here today but fortunately no sleet....sorry it's no warmer at home. We miss you all and can't wait to get home but also can't believe we have to leave our girl in just two more days. Maggie feels that since we filed our I-800 before leaving we could very well be coming back in three months to bring her home so please continue to pray I filed all of it properly and we will receive our approval very soon.

 

It appears Eli and LJ are having a great time with their grand parents but we so appreciate your continued prayers for them as well. The weather is supposed to be nice here tomorrow so we are planning to do a little sight seeing around the city, so hopefully we will have some pictures of Sofia to share with you tomorrow.

 
One of the highlights of today was, after pushing the button on Tabbi's Jesus book about a million times, Maggie left the orphanage humming "Jesus Loves the Little Children". Bulgarians are beautifully warm, kind people and it would thrill our hearts to see them restored to their Christian roots and relationships with Jesus rebuilt, so please join us in praying that the Spirit would move through Bulgaria.

Daddy's day

We have enjoyed another amazing day with Tabbi today. When we arrived at the orphanage this morning she was happy and ready to play but seemed to get tired a little earlier and wasn't quite as energetic. When we returned after lunch they were a little later in bringing her to us because she had been to see the doctor. This gave us a little extra time to talk and get to know Maggie, our guide, a little more. She is delightful and is so passionate about her job and about advocating for the children. We have really enjoyed our time with her and she has been quite a blessing to us. When Tabbi did arrive she was her happy self and came right in to play. We gave her a new book this afternoon, a small board book about how much Jesus loves all the children in the world. It also sings "Jesus Loves The Little Children" and she loved it even more than her baby Einstein book from yesterday! It was a huge hit. She just held it so close to her ear and smiled so big as it sang to her about the love of her savior. She wanted it played over and over.

After some time enjoying her book she figured out that her daddy is the best jungle gym ever! They tickled, "zurbered", flew around the room, looked out the window (much higher than she has ever looked out the window before), hung upside down, got "dropped" and laughed and laughed and laughed. She let us hear her first big belly laugh so far! Maggie was even impressed by the way she has taken to him. We absolutely have a Daddy's girl in the making. She didn't leave me out though, when daddy got too tired to fly around the room any more she came to sit with me and blow up balloons again. She loves doing anything that makes "music". She loves to rub on the balloons until they screech so loud you can't hear yourself think so we decided she needs a real instrument and bought her the cutest little piano ever. It's so much fun to see her explore something new everyday. She is a blank slate and a little sponge, we can't wait to get her home and watch her grow, learn and just experience all life has to offer.

The room we stay in to spend time with her has great big windows that look outside onto the play ground. There are flowers and butterflies taped all over the windows for the children to enjoy. Barry and I went to the local mall to find her piano and while we were there I found a beautiful silver necklace with a butterfly pendant. Now I can look at my butterfly and think about Tabbi watching hers.

Thank you all again for all the prayers you are lifting up on our behalf...nothing is more valuable to us right now. Please continue to pray that our I-800 comes through very quickly so we can get our girl home as soon as possible to begin her new life with all of us. Love you all and can't wait to share the videos of our happy girl!

We have held our angel...and she hugged us back!

It has been an amazing and blessed day for Barry and I. We had no idea what to expect when we left for the orphanage this morning. We didn't know if Tabbi would be clean, if the orphanage would be in shambles, if she was loved by her care givers, if she would like us or be scared of us, if she would even acknowledge us. We hoped for the best but prepared ourselves for the worst. I am completely humbled in saying that we have the greatest group of prayer warriors behind us and we serve an awesome God of miracles and wonders who is going before us. While Tabbi's orphanage is old and run down like many buildings in Sofia built during the time of communism, it is clean and warm, she is well cared for, well fed and appears to be loved. We were thrilled to see her clean, WALKING ON HER OWN and ready to play. Within minutes she warmed up to us as we engaged her. She loves her new baby Einstein book that plays music and she likes to dance very much. She also enjoyed looking through the photo book we made for her and she is pretty intrigued by the photo of her big brothers. She was fairly happy with her new Easter lamb but she is still much more interested in playing ball...lol. Her favorite new things today were the balloons, seeing them blown up is ok but having all the air blow back out in her face was obviously the most fun! Mine and Barry's greatest joy was her crawling into our laps completely on her own, giving us hugs and letting us hug her back. Holding your child for the first time is always an unexplainable joy but they rarely hug you back that first time!

Barry and I are beginning to learn our way around Sofia. It is very different from home in many ways but also very much the same. We have diet coke and Pringles and Subway for dinner so it can't be all that bad! The language is VERY different so we are very blessed that so many folks speak pretty good English. Maybe before we leave we will learn the Bulgarian words for "thank you" so Barry can stop telling everyone "gracious"!

We can not thank you all enough for the prayers you have continued to lift up on our behalf....we feel them and know God is at work in all of this. Our latest request is that you would pray our I-800 paper work would be approved by the US very quickly so her court date can be set before the end of June and we can bring her home before the government takes their holiday off in August. Thank you all again so much. We love you and we miss you but we are treasuring our time with baby sister.